Amidst the Chaos

To be completely honest, this has been a rough semester. You would think after getting through 7 semesters of college, I would be able to handle them better. They should be a piece of cake by now right? Wrong. In fact, what’s most stressful about my semester is not the academic part really at all. As I have contemplated this over the past few months wondering where all this anxiety and stress came from, I have really had to evaluate myself. I have always been able to handle stress well and work well under pressure. So why the sudden breakdown? Everybody is busy. Everybody has a ton of things going on, and I feel like I’m just another one of those people. Nobody even has time to care. But if everybody else can deal with it, why can’t I? Just yesterday I told myself I was through worrying. I just wanted to take life one day at a time. So as I went through the day with a complete piece of mind, I found myself stopping and thinking, “Wait, isn’t there something I need to be worrying about. There has to be somewhere I am expected to be right now. Let me pull out my mental list.” There will always be something to worry about. There will always be things left and right demanding my attention and energy. There will always be stress. And I have experienced the effects it can take on a person, both physically and emotionally this semester.

I think Satan has used stress in my life to convince me to believe lies. One stressor in my life is raising support. In fact, as I think back on several medical problems I have had that could be made worse through stress, I noticed that they started about the time I decided to go on CCP this summer. They were made worse when I began to raise support. And they just continue to get worse. And with each day that passes, I have a hard time getting excited about this summer for fear that maybe I won’t be there. I still need roughly $3000, and right now it seems like it would take nothing short of a miracle to raise it. Satan is using everything possible to tell me that I’m not worthy enough for God to use this summer. He is telling me that if I want to be there this summer, I am going to have to get there on my own. He is telling me that every obstacle I am up against, both in raising support and other things going on in my personal life, are too big for God to handle. They are definitely too big for me to handle, and I have definitely seen that as each day that goes by I realize my complete and utter failure to do anything that brings glory to God. So here I am wondering what it is going to take for me to give it all up.

I’m reading Crazy Love right now by Francis Chan. The Lord has really spoken to me through this book on worry and stress. The second chapter in the book is titled, “You Might Not Finish This Chapter.” I have read this chapter 3 times because there is such truth in it. Philippians 4:4-8 has become a scripture passage that I am really clinging to lately…

“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Francis Chan states, “When I am consumed by my problems—stressed out about my life, my family, and my job—I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words that I have a ‘right’ to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.”

Wow, I never thought about it actually being disobedience when I fail to rejoice. You see, I get so caught up in my day to day responsibilities that I fail to rejoice and have a grateful heart that I have the opportunity to go to college, that I have a job, that I have salvation and even have the opportunity to raise support to go to Australia. Seeing these problems in the midst of a great God, makes all of them seem so small.

So my prayer for me and you this week is that amidst the chaos of life, we will be able to see God. Even in the moments when I’m driving in my car going from one thing to the next I can meditate on a Creator who gives me the opportunity to see His glory. If life were easy, we would have no need for a Savior, but since it’s not, we can rest in the knowledge that his power is made perfect in our weakness.

Why Australia?

I never really questioned anything growing up. I pretty much had my life planned out for me. I went to school, came home from school, did homework and any other extracurricular activities, went to church, and hung out with friends and family. I did this for 12 years. I got in a pretty nice comfortable routine. Then I went to college. There is a little bit of an identity crisis that goes on trying to find your place in a whole new environment, but we make it. We enjoy college, and we learn new independence. But what happens when those 4 years are over? Our lives are no longer planned out. Suddenly that routine ends. We have to grow up. We have to get jobs. We have to figure out what we want to do with the rest of our lives. To put it lightly, that’s a little intimidating. That’s where I’m at. I have thought about this time in my life, but I never imagined it like this. I somehow thought I would have more of an idea where my life would be headed than I do. It never seems to end up like we dream it does it? The Lord truly does have other plans. Here I am graduating in less than 2 months, going to Australia to build relationships with people in hopes of sharing the gospel, something that has terrified me to do my whole life, and then coming back to no job.

I will be honest, I always did dream of going to Australia ever since Mary Kate and Ashley’s movie “Our Lips are Sealed” came out, but I never thought that dream would come true. And I never thought it would be for missions. I always imagined missions only involving Africa, China, India, and maybe sometimes South America. Australia, really? But they are westernized, they have heard the gospel, right? Christianity Today magazine states this. “In mid-2001, 124,224 Australians and New Zealanders told their national censuses that their religion was "Jedi," which reflected both their love of the Star Wars movies and their rejection of "organized religion." "It was a way of saying to traditional churches, 'You're not providing what we want,'" Chris Brennan, director of the Star Wars Appreciation Society of Australia, told Wired News.”

Yes, they have “heard it,” but have they really? Countries like India, China, Thailand, and such have a much larger amount of poverty. At least they realize their need for something. This is where you have Muslims and Buddhists. They worship something higher than themselves, and though it may be hard to convince them that Jesus is the only way, the concept of worshipping someone other than yourself is not new. And I would say Australia is not that way. It has the same mentality that a growing number of Americans have taken.--“I am the only one worthy of worship. I am the only one who can satisfy. I am the only one that matters.” And convincing someone to take their eyes off of themselves and realize their needs is tough. That’s a constant battle for myself. I hate to depend on other people, even my own parents. It almost seems like a form of weakness, and it becomes a constant burden in my relationship with the Lord. So yes, Australia is westernized. The Gospel is there. But you will find so many people that are lost and don’t even know it. They are just turned off to religion in general. Wow, how can I, a 22 year old from Birmingham, Alabama who was raised in church her whole life and never really questioned anything try to share the Gospel with people who potentially want to have nothing to do with Jesus or the Bible or any form of “religion.” This is not where I expected myself to be after graduating college, but right now, there’s nowhere else I would rather be.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

"And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." Matt. 24:14

"May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us, that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all nations. Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you! Let the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you judge the peoples with equity and guide the nations upon earth. Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you! The earth has yielded its increase; God, our God shall bless us. God shall bless us; let all the ends of the earth fear him!"
Psalm 67

In church today we sang the song "Come Thou Fount, Come Thou King" As we got to the line that said
"Come, Thou Fount, come, Thou King; Come, Thou precious Prince of Peace
Hear Your bride, to You we sing, come, Thou Fount of our blessing"

My first thought like it has been for years now was to think about how I'm ready for that day to come, when Christ will return to the earth, and make everything how it was supposed to be from the beginning. But then there was something else within me that said, "No He can't come yet. There are still people who don't know him." Wow, I was like, where did that come from? To be honest, for years and especially in the past two years, I have prayed that the Lord would give me a burden for the lost. I want to see them the way the Lord sees them. And I think the Lord is definitely working in me. To be honest, sharing my faith is hard for me. I have a hard time relating to people, especially those who did not grow up in the church like I did. That said, the more I think about Australia, and the more I pray about Australia, the more anxious I am to be there. I want my life to be worth something. I want to make a difference. And something about going to another country on the other side of the world, makes me feel like I am getting into something bigger than myself. God is going to do a work over there, and I want him to use me. So I do look forward to heaven. I look forward to having no more pain, no more tears, no more death, no more crying, and no more mourning, but how much sweeter will heaven be when we can say that the Lord used us to bring more people, more people to worship him and give him glory for all of eternity!

"I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me;
I was found by those who did not seek me.
To a nation that did not call on my name,
I said, 'Here am I, here am I.' " -Isaiah 65:1

This is my prayer for Australia. They aren't seeking the Lord. As Brian Brown, the former Campus Outreach director in Brisbane, Australia told us, they aren't in need of anything. Life is good for them. In fact, they are either the only country or one of the only countries not in an economic recession right now. It's so easy to rely on yourself in times when things are going great, but I pray that the Lord would break their hearts, show them that they can't make it on their own. They need something bigger than themselves.

Crossing the Red Sea

I feel like a modern day Israelite. I can see the rushing waters of the Red Sea directly in front of me while behind me I can hear the chariots of Pharaoh. How must it have felt for the Israelites to step out in faith as the Red Sea parted trusting that the waters would not swallow them as they reached the middle of the river? Honestly, that's how I feel. I am looking towards Australia in front of me, while behind me I hear the sounds of the world telling me that I'm not good enough. Why would God use you when there are so many other people he can be using? You can't raise support to get over there. $6,000 is a lot of money that you can't provide. And even though I believe that the Lord has the power to provide the money, I often find myself wondering whether He will. I feel inadequate. I'm scared that if I step out in faith that the Lord will provide, and get to the middle of the river, the waters will fall on me and consume me, completely sweeping me off my feet. I'm scared. And most of you that know me, know that I have a hard time opening up to people. I don't like to express my needs. I want to come across as if I have it all together...I act as if I can do it myself. I can provide everything that I need. And that's why raising the support to go to Australia has caused me to come to a complete state of brokenness because for once in my life, I can't do this by myself. I need the support of my family and friends both through prayers and finances. I started this blog because I want to be vulnerable. I want to share what the Lord is teaching me, and I want to admit my helplessness.

We had our retreat this weekend with the three different teams traveling to Australia this summer. It was definitely an encouragement. So far it has really been hard to have a vision for this trip because we haven't really known what exactly we will be doing. Brian Brown, the guy who started Campus Outreach over in Australia came to talk to us. It was really encouraging to hear him talk about Aussie culture and the impact that CCP teams have had in Australia. Our team is really starting to form a unity, and we are all so pumped about this summer. I want more than anything to be over there. I want to see the glory of God in a whole new country. The Lord didn't come to save those from the United States but for those all over the world! There will be people in heaven from every tribe, tongue, and nation, and I want to be apart of that! Please pray that the Lord will start to work in our hearts in giving us a burden for the Aussies as well as the United States. Pray that the Lord will soften the hearts of the Aussies and open up doors for ministry. Finally, pray that the Lord will provide support. In 9 days, I have to raise $2,000. I'm feeling very overwhelmed, but I'm trusting the Lord has everything in control!