To be completely honest, this has been a rough semester. You would think after getting through 7 semesters of college, I would be able to handle them better. They should be a piece of cake by now right? Wrong. In fact, what’s most stressful about my semester is not the academic part really at all. As I have contemplated this over the past few months wondering where all this anxiety and stress came from, I have really had to evaluate myself. I have always been able to handle stress well and work well under pressure. So why the sudden breakdown? Everybody is busy. Everybody has a ton of things going on, and I feel like I’m just another one of those people. Nobody even has time to care. But if everybody else can deal with it, why can’t I? Just yesterday I told myself I was through worrying. I just wanted to take life one day at a time. So as I went through the day with a complete piece of mind, I found myself stopping and thinking, “Wait, isn’t there something I need to be worrying about. There has to be somewhere I am expected to be right now. Let me pull out my mental list.” There will always be something to worry about. There will always be things left and right demanding my attention and energy. There will always be stress. And I have experienced the effects it can take on a person, both physically and emotionally this semester.
I think Satan has used stress in my life to convince me to believe lies. One stressor in my life is raising support. In fact, as I think back on several medical problems I have had that could be made worse through stress, I noticed that they started about the time I decided to go on CCP this summer. They were made worse when I began to raise support. And they just continue to get worse. And with each day that passes, I have a hard time getting excited about this summer for fear that maybe I won’t be there. I still need roughly $3000, and right now it seems like it would take nothing short of a miracle to raise it. Satan is using everything possible to tell me that I’m not worthy enough for God to use this summer. He is telling me that if I want to be there this summer, I am going to have to get there on my own. He is telling me that every obstacle I am up against, both in raising support and other things going on in my personal life, are too big for God to handle. They are definitely too big for me to handle, and I have definitely seen that as each day that goes by I realize my complete and utter failure to do anything that brings glory to God. So here I am wondering what it is going to take for me to give it all up.
I’m reading Crazy Love right now by Francis Chan. The Lord has really spoken to me through this book on worry and stress. The second chapter in the book is titled, “You Might Not Finish This Chapter.” I have read this chapter 3 times because there is such truth in it. Philippians 4:4-8 has become a scripture passage that I am really clinging to lately…
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Francis Chan states, “When I am consumed by my problems—stressed out about my life, my family, and my job—I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words that I have a ‘right’ to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.”
Wow, I never thought about it actually being disobedience when I fail to rejoice. You see, I get so caught up in my day to day responsibilities that I fail to rejoice and have a grateful heart that I have the opportunity to go to college, that I have a job, that I have salvation and even have the opportunity to raise support to go to Australia. Seeing these problems in the midst of a great God, makes all of them seem so small.
So my prayer for me and you this week is that amidst the chaos of life, we will be able to see God. Even in the moments when I’m driving in my car going from one thing to the next I can meditate on a Creator who gives me the opportunity to see His glory. If life were easy, we would have no need for a Savior, but since it’s not, we can rest in the knowledge that his power is made perfect in our weakness.
