A broken city

I think it finally hit me today as I was getting off the train, I am living in Sydney. It’s one of those cities you always hear about…just like New York, Los Angeles, Paris, London…but I’m not only here, I’m a part of this city. I ride the train, ride the bus, and walk the streets of Sydney. I know where the grocery stores, the restaurants, and the places of leisure are. This has become my city. And each day I am here, I begin to feel the burden. I’m sitting in our 11th floor apartment that overlooks Hyde Park watching the sun go down on a city where businessmen might be wrapping up their workday, schoolchildren are catching trains to go home, and homeless people are thankful that they have made it through another day, wondering if there is anything to live for. This is a reality. It’s easy to brush it off when you are removed from it. This week has made it impossible for me to just brush off. Monday, Rachel and I stopped to talk to a woman outside Woolworth’s. She had some paintings set up to sell. We learned that she just recently had a baby but had to give it up because she could not provide for it. She is living with a friend and trying to save money to get a place of her own, so she can reunite her own family and all live together. The past two days we have worked in a soup kitchen. It’s easy to judge them. It’s easy to even brush it off after serving them food, but sit down and have a conversation with them and it’s impossible. Today, one man talked for about an hour about how he used to have joy in his life, he was married. But now he doesn’t have anything to live for. He would just assume end his life. He so desperately wants someone to tell him he has worth, that he is valuable. The feeler in me hurt for him and the pain he is going through but I couldn’t voice the truth that he needed to hear. Brandon did though—that the only thing that would bring true fulfillment and the only reason to wake up is Jesus Christ. Just like when talking with the Muslim woman last week, this was an enlightening moment for me. I began to see the Gospel from someone else’s perspective. In fact, believing the Gospel is easy for me. I live a fairly easy life. In fact, I don’t even put complete faith in Christ because I so often put faith in myself as well. But this man, the Gospel is hard for him to accept because he sees all the bad stuff in his life and can’t believe in a God who would allow that. To quote him “The only place God has carried me is to hell.” Putting faith in that God is difficult for him. And it challenges my faith. This man needs Christ.

I so desperately want to make a difference. But what is my motivation? To make my own name great? So that I can go home and tell everybody all these cool things that God has done through me? In fact, God has worked more in my own heart than he has worked through my hands. And I know without a shadow of a doubt, that’s exactly where he wants me. If nothing else, God has broken me of my own plans, my own comforts, and torn down my kingdom that I have worked for years to build up. We have 9 days left in this city. My prayer is that the Lord continues to teach me, to mold me, and to completely turn my world upside down.

It's a sunny day!

We have made Christianity all about ourselves. We read books on finding our best life now. We know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. We know all the Bible verses on anxiety and worrying, but how many of us can spit out verses that explain the Gospel? Coming into a country with the purpose of sharing the Gospel, I have realized that I actually have to think about it for a few minutes when writing out what the Gospel is. When we make the Gospel the center of Christianity, we fall in love with the Christ of the Gospel. If we actually meditate on the meaning of the Gospel and not just what the Gospel can do for us and help us live a more comfortable life, we understand what Christ means when he says, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” (Matt. 28:19). We are here to live for something greater than ourselves—God’s Kingdom, but we have squished up and tried to mold God’s Kingdom to fit into our own little kingdoms in which we are the ruler, not God. We have our own agenda about how we are going to come over to Australia, share the Gospel, and feel good about ourselves because we have done our contribution for the Kingdom of God, but we have really been doing it for our own glory—to feel good about ourselves—to build up our own self-ruled kingdom. This is how the Gospel gets pushed out of our Christian lives. I find myself often feeling numb to the Gospel—it’s not because I want to, but I rarely come up against something that challenges it. I find myself becoming perfectly content to stay in my Christian bubble where biblical conversations are easy. They know the Gospel, so I rarely have to talk about it. When I get out of my Bible belt and come to a country where only 9% of the country attends church, I have to know the Gospel. I have to be able to explain what changed my life and why I believe living for Christ is the only thing that will bring fulfillment in this life. And when I do that, I fall more and more in love with Christ because I am seeing the Gospel through another person’s eyes. God has brought me here for his Kingdom—and his Kingdom does not just include converting all the Aussies I meet. He continues to sanctify me and transform me into the likeness of Christ.

As we were getting ready for church on Sunday morning, we discussed the fact that our leader Matt was preaching at church. One girl said, “Get ready to be convicted.” It was definitely true. He preached on 1 Corinthians 13. As I have already mentioned, ministry really reveals sin and insecurities. And I am learning that I have mastered the Christian life. We all have. We know exactly how to live life so that we appear holy—like we have it all together. And getting here, doing ministry in a way I have never done before, I realize that I don’t have it all together—that I in fact can’t fool anyone. In fact, it’s true for all of us because we are all sinful beings. We are able to mask the fact that we are living for our own kingdoms by making others think and even ourselves think that we are living for the Kingdom of God. Coming back to 1 Corinthians 13, love is the basis of our spiritual maturity. We can serve, be kind to other people, and even share Christ with others, with all the wrong motives. It’s not like we consciously think, I am going to serve them so that they will think I am a better Christian, but if we get to the heart of the matter, that’s exactly why we are doing it. We have built our own kingdoms in which we are the center. If someone challenges our rule over that kingdom or gets in the way, our sin is revealed. That is exactly what is happening. I feel a threat to my kingdom and all the insecurities that I have covered up so well have come up to the surface.

Our team is split into two teams—one goes to UNSW and one goes to USyd. I go to USyd with three boys and two other girls. One of those girls is going on staff with Campus Outreach while the other one is going into the ministry, possibly here in Australia. So it’s hard to not compare myself to them. I know I wasn’t wired for this kind of ministry…doesn’t mean I’m not called to it, but I am a more behind the scenes type of person. So being in this type of ministry has been really humbling. I realized quite quickly that I don’t have it all together and there’s no fooling anyone. It’s been a very growing experience for me, and I am thankful for your prayers! Keep praying…we have about 2 and a half more weeks here to invest in people. Can’t wait to tell you guys everything!

Hello from the land down under!

Things I have learned my first two weeks in Sydney, Australia…

1.When crossing the street, look right instead of left because cars drive on the left side of the road.
2.Always be ready to run—in a moment’s notice you could be late for your plane, your train, or your bus.
3.Americans really are obnoxious.
4.Koala bears do not just run wild in the trees of downtown Sydney, but opossums do.
5.For an emergency, call 000, but 911 works too.
6.There are two types of flushes on the toilet, but they both look the same to me.
7.Mate here refers to your friend, not the person you are married to.


Our leader Matt gave a talk the other night at one of our campus meetings with the ministry we are working with. And as he was talking, I discovered something about myself. I am very turned away from obsessions. I can’t stand it when people are obsessed about things. I will not read Harry Potter, Twilight, or any of the sort because people are obsessed, and I don’t want to be that person. In fact, things that I do love (such as Alabama football) I hold back from unless I am with someone who also loves it. But I realized that because I am like this, it has also affected my walk with Christ. You see, because I have trained myself to run from obsessions and to not show emotion at all to things I love, I have retreated from talking about Christ with people other than Christians. And even at that it’s hard for me to talk about Christ with people I’m not completely comfortable around. As Matt pointed out, we will talk about what we worship. So it was definitely convicting for me.

I think the hardest part about doing ministry is feeling a complete and utter incompetence for ministry. Satan really feeds us lies. It has been really encouraging that through all of Satan’s lies, we can see God’s power displayed. We have seen several instances when it’s only through God’s hands that we would be in that situation. It’s mindblowing to think that before the foundation of the world, God chose each and every one of us to be in Australia in the summer of 2010. He wanted me here. And even though each day I continue to see my failures and my insecurities, he still chooses to use me for his Kingdom. Today me and Ramsey sat down to talk to a Muslim lady. I must confess that sometimes I feel numb to the gospel. But talking to this lady who kept saying that we worship a God who is just a normal person like you and me, when she doesn’t understand the security and freedom she can have in Christ, made me really appreciate the Gospel that much more. He has really been revealing himself to us in the little things and in the big things.
We have met a lot of Uni students. We only have one more week on campus. The thing is, it is their dead week. And since most people live off campus, not many people will be on campus for us to meet with. SO pray that the Lord would bless this week. I’m praying that he will really work this week, despite that. We so desperately want to see the fruit of our labor and come over here and change the world, but we are learning to be content and rest in the fact that God is working through everything. He is using us for his Kingdom exactly how he planned. So that’s exactly where we want to be—right in his will. I’m sending an even more detailed update in an email to those on the email list because I don’t want to just post everything for the whole world to see. SO if you aren’t on the email list and want to be added, send me an email at kpkelley@samford.edu.