I feel like a modern day Israelite. I can see the rushing waters of the Red Sea directly in front of me while behind me I can hear the chariots of Pharaoh. How must it have felt for the Israelites to step out in faith as the Red Sea parted trusting that the waters would not swallow them as they reached the middle of the river? Honestly, that's how I feel. I am looking towards Australia in front of me, while behind me I hear the sounds of the world telling me that I'm not good enough. Why would God use you when there are so many other people he can be using? You can't raise support to get over there. $6,000 is a lot of money that you can't provide. And even though I believe that the Lord has the power to provide the money, I often find myself wondering whether He will. I feel inadequate. I'm scared that if I step out in faith that the Lord will provide, and get to the middle of the river, the waters will fall on me and consume me, completely sweeping me off my feet. I'm scared. And most of you that know me, know that I have a hard time opening up to people. I don't like to express my needs. I want to come across as if I have it all together...I act as if I can do it myself. I can provide everything that I need. And that's why raising the support to go to Australia has caused me to come to a complete state of brokenness because for once in my life, I can't do this by myself. I need the support of my family and friends both through prayers and finances. I started this blog because I want to be vulnerable. I want to share what the Lord is teaching me, and I want to admit my helplessness.
We had our retreat this weekend with the three different teams traveling to Australia this summer. It was definitely an encouragement. So far it has really been hard to have a vision for this trip because we haven't really known what exactly we will be doing. Brian Brown, the guy who started Campus Outreach over in Australia came to talk to us. It was really encouraging to hear him talk about Aussie culture and the impact that CCP teams have had in Australia. Our team is really starting to form a unity, and we are all so pumped about this summer. I want more than anything to be over there. I want to see the glory of God in a whole new country. The Lord didn't come to save those from the United States but for those all over the world! There will be people in heaven from every tribe, tongue, and nation, and I want to be apart of that! Please pray that the Lord will start to work in our hearts in giving us a burden for the Aussies as well as the United States. Pray that the Lord will soften the hearts of the Aussies and open up doors for ministry. Finally, pray that the Lord will provide support. In 9 days, I have to raise $2,000. I'm feeling very overwhelmed, but I'm trusting the Lord has everything in control!
You're in a great place Kandice. The Lord is using this in your life in so many ways, and that is so exciting:)
ReplyDeleteIt is going to be exciting to watch as God parts your "Red Sea" before you and provides all that you need to be obedient to His call. I know how difficult it is for you to become vulnerable, but perhaps that is the first step of your journey. When you truly lay yourself at His feet knowing you can't do it without Him, great things happen. He will be glorified! I pray the voices of the "world" will fade away as you feel His strength and presence support and lead you.
ReplyDeleteHey sis. I love watching how God is teaching you through all of this. It can be hard to follow where he leads when we don't know the how but He will provide. Enjoy every minute of it- from the preparation through raising support or studying the word or in prayer to actually being there and investing in lives for his glory. It's all apart of the story and God is in it all. From the moments your heart is pounding b/c you don't know how it's going to all come together and it scares you to the moment you dance for joy and seeing the work of his hands to the moment you reach out your hand and take hold of his in faith. Keep Looking Up. Fully Rely On God. All of these things we were told growing up. I love you sis and I can't wait to see how God is going to use you and mold you through all of this.
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